Rock of Love: Girls, Girls, Girls!

So it’s another new episode that looks into Bret Michaels’ love life, which is getting hotter by the minute!

Tonight’s show starts with Security guy Big John offering the latest challenge to the girls: Motocross Racing! Bret admits that he loves riding motorcycles, and the girl for him would be one who also loves fast bikes. He offers a date to the fastest four girls.

The stretch Hummer takes the girls to the motorcross track, and introduces them to two female motorcross champions who show the girls how to ride the bikes. Lacey looks pretty good. Dallas was fast, but had no control over her bike, and was all over the place.

Bret then chooses three team captains: Erin, Heather, and Magdalena. Today’s event was to be a relay race with four girls on each team, so each captain chose her four girls. When Erin had to choose between Brandi C. (“meth-scratched face”) or Dallas, she actually chose Brandi C., even admitting that it was a difficult choice, over Dallas, who was a scary rider.

Ironically, Lacey and Dallas ended up being on the same team. Also ironically, after the race started, Lacey was the first one to bite the dust. She tried to keep going, but the bike was still in gear. Heather, her team’s captain, had to run help Lacey so the team might have a chance. Later, Dallas also ate it, but I mean like, body flying in the air, ate it. When she hit the ground, Bret and Heather laughed (in shock?), and then ran to see if Dallas was okay. Dallas was alright, but by that time, Rodeo took her team into the lead, and then won the race – and the date.

On the ride back to the house in the Hummer, Dallas and Lacey get into it again. Dallas screams at Lacey that Bret wore leather and snakeskin. Frankly, Dallas loses it, screaming and cursing at Lacey. She had been Miz Cool up to that point, but yeah, Dallas lost it. Now don’t you know that that’s what Lacey wants? Heavy sigh…

Back at the house, Dallas gets help from her girls who dress her in all kinds of fur and skins. Lacey dons her “I love PETA” (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) T-shirt, and you know right then, IT’S ON.

Dallas struts through the house in her fur and skins, and Lacey follows her around, instigating and antagonizing. Lacey calls Dallas’ name in a spooky singsong voice, and it was a bit creepy to watch. Lacey follows Dallas around, pushing Dallas’ buttons in the hopes of getting her to hit her, which would probably get Dallas eliminated on the spot. While watching this scene, all I could think about was, “Where the hell is Big John???”

All the girls are watching this scene play out, but it’s Rodeo who puts the kibosh on things. While Lacey and Dallas are on the stairs, probably a dangerous place to be having this “conversation”, Rodeo pulls Lacey out of Dallas’ face – thank goodness! “This stops now!”, Rodeo says to Lacey, who’s pulled away from the scene. If you ask me, Rodeo probably has the most common sense of the bunch, but seeing that this whole show is a cattle call date to win Bret Michael’s heart, obviously, common sense is lacking all around.

Which is why we tune in every week, right!?

Next up, it’s time for the winners’ dates with Bret to begin. Fortunately, Bret breaks up his dates with the four winners into two groups of two. Sam and Magdalena wanted to just spend time with Bret and get to know him, so he set up a little romantic dinner outside next to the pool.

Bret shows Magdalena and Sam a video of his life, and asks them about their lives. Sam is a fan and music lover, and she bonds easily with Bret. Magdalena, being originally from Poland, admits that she didn’t grow up listening to his music, and wasn’t exactly a fan, but that she was there for love. Bret seemed to like her honesty, and found that a turn on.

Next, Sam, Bret, and Magdalena are in a room together, talking and sharing strawberries. Bret wants to take turns making out with each of them while the other watched. Quite awkward. Sam hesitates before finally agreeing to make out with Bret. Sam then confesses that she wanted an orgasm, but didn’t want to do it in front of everyone. This revelation turns Bret on to no end, and he basically has to end the date because he can’t concentrate.

Bret’s next date is with Brandi M and Rodeo the next day, for a “date in the sun”. On the way to their adventure, Bret asks about the goings-on in the house. Rodeo tells Bret about the incident with Lacey and Dallas, and later tells the camera that she wouldn’t want Lacey around Bret’s kids. I have to say, Rodeo has a point there.

Bret takes Rodeo and and Brandi M to a custom bikini designer in Hollywood, and they try on different suits for him. Folks, it must be tough to be Bret Michaels!!!

Back at the house, Lacey, Heather, and Brandi C. are occupying their time drawing caricatures of the other girls, creating a mini-gallery called their “Wall of Shame”. Lacey thought that they’d be bored waiting for Bret and the girls to return, but they seemed to get a lot of enjoyment out of their art.

The camera then goes back to Bret’s date with Rodeo and Brandi M, which looks like a rooftop meal somewhere in LA. Brandi doesn’t like that Rodeo has so much to say, and that she can’t get a word in edge-wise. Because Brandi laughs and snort-burps, Rodeo doesn’t like Brandi M’s manners. But at least, there was no fighting or arguing.

After the date, Bret returns to the house to attempt further bonding with the other girls that he didn’t know too well yet. He chats with Kristia, but the conversation didn’t go too far. Bret appeared to ask if she could handle his partying every night, and from his hand gestures, it appeared that he was talking about screwing around every night. Her response was that that stuff didn’t matter to her, but it came off kind of lame. As she walked away, Bret mentioned that Kristia had the tiniest butt he’d ever seen. Her butt looked okay to me. I think he was turned off by her airiness.

Next, Bret met with Lacey, who was still adamant about animals. Dallas was also brought out, and she said that she wasn’t trying to date Lacey. Bret admits to us on the side that he grew up hunting and ate meat, and that one of them was going to have to go.

Soon it’s elimination time, and Kristia was the first called. She was sad, but kissed Bret goodbye. The two remaining girls were Lacey and Dallas, and the tension was thick. Bret eliminates Dallas, who shows off two middle fingers, and then walks off without hugging Bret goodbye.

Bret actually had the nerve to be upset over that, saying that not thanking someone for their hospitality was “pretty classless”. Bret Michaels, you may be a rock star, but for your own sake, GET REAL! You just can’t diss a Sista like that, and expect to get love on the way out. Where’s Dr. Phil when you need him?

Dallas put herself in physical danger to get Bret’s attention. Next she gets stalked by Lacey, and Big John is NOWHERE to be found, and Bret expects her to kiss him goodbye???

Sorry Bret, but Dallas telling you to kiss her ass is the classiest thing she could do under the circumstances. You know what they say, “It’s all fun and games until someone pokes an eye out!”

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