Rock of Love with Bret Michael : Week 2

It’s the second week of “Rock f Love” with Bret Michaels, so let the fun and games begin!

This week’s show opens up in the morning. The girls are beginning to stir, while Bret is working out in his gym. While the girls head for the bar to start drinking their breakfasts, Lacey is shown in her behind the scenes interview saying that she has a “no daytime drinking” rule, BUT since no one in the house is getting up early to go to work, she has no problem bending that rule. She sounds like a Rock Star Girlfriend already!

And as alcohol tends to bring people closer, the girls start bonding over booze as they share their stories. Erin, also known as “Miss Hooters of Illinois” is heard telling some of the girls about a scrapbook that her ex-boyfriend had made for her. She then mentions that she had been engaged to this guy who was supposed to marry her in May. Her ex-fiance later broke up with her becuase he didn’t love her anymore. The other girls at the bar were listening with rapt attention. And so was Heather, who was across the room. Heather heard “fiance”, and “getting married in May”, and before you knew it, Erin’s blood had officially been spilled in the shark infested waters of this dating reality show.

Personally, I don’t know what Erin was thinking by sharing that info in the first place. Here she was rhapsodizing about a scrapbook made by someone who told her that he didn’t love her anymore. Her mentioning it makes me wonder if she’s over her ex, but as it also gave her competitors something to use against her, I’m now wondering about her powers of discernment. I wanted to yell at the TV, “Erin, these girls are not your friends, and that guy wasn’t your Prince Charming. Smarten up fast!”

But was she listening to me? Nooooooo!

Next, the rest of the girls wake up, and head down to the bar and kitchen. One group of girls stay at the bar, and begin partying like rock stars, dancing on the poles, making out with each other, you know, that sort of thing. The rest of the girls head out to the backyard, near the pool, and bitch about the girls who are “sluttin’ it up” inside. Dallas, the only remaining Sista in the house says that the house has “turned into a stripper hangout near the airport with fat chicks with huge fake implants”. And Jes of the hot pink hair refers to the other girls as “The Bimbo Posse”. And it becomes obvious that there are two camps which have formed in the house: “The Slutty Girls” (promiscuous girls with enhanced breasts) vs “The Bitchy Girls” (the smart, sexy “not as whorish” girls), and the fight is on!

Lacey decided to go outside and be friendly with The Bitchy Girls, but they basically blew her off, prompting Lacey to believe that they have “sticks up their asses”. Lacey decides to have a little fun, so she plots to throw someone in the pool. Unfortunately, Jes is the one chosen. Lacey goes to the side of the pool where Jes is, and pulls her into the pool, pissing Jes off BIG TIME. Jes warned Lacey to “just walk away”, and you could see the steam coming out of her ears. Jes later goes in the house to clean up, and Lacey and the girls in the inside Jacuzzi imitate Jes getting pulled into the pool. Lacey particularly enjoys mocking Jes: “Oh, I’m so wet!” Jes closes the door of the bathroom, and I know that this ain’t over.

The next scene shows Big John bringing down the first challenge for the girls: Giving Good Phone”. The three winners of the phone sex challenge would get to go on a date with Bret that night. Heather, the self-appointed ring leader of “The Varsity Squad”  (the slutty girls) believes that this is a job that her girls will win. So off the girls run to dress in their lingerie to get in the mood. Tiffany, also known as Miss Trouble, had said earlier that she was going to keep a low profile and see what’s up in the house, but as soon as this challenge was offered, her nervousness sent her back to the bar. To stimulate her creativity, wine was her drink of choice: “One white, one red”, shrugging since she wasn’t sure which one would help the most.

Next, Bret comes out in his pajamas, and a guy pretending to be a doctor announces that he has a contraption that will measure the amount of blood flowing through Bret’s member as unidentified girls talk dirty to him on the phone. One by one, the girls talk to Bret in front while the others wait. Like most things, some girls are better than others at phone sex. We get to see the chart measuring the girls’ effect on Bret’s member, and the three winners had their own thing: Erin used naughty words in a British accent, Lacey gave some kind of sexy poetry with dragons (Dragons? What is this Harry Potter?), and Rodeo gave great phone, she looked like she was going to climax on the spot!

After the winners were announced, Brandi C of the high-pitched voice admitted to Erin that she was jealous that Erin won the date with Bret, especially since Erin has “circus boobs”. Folks, Erin wasn’t named “Hooters of Illinois” for nothin’! Her breasts are probably the largest in the house, most definitely enhanced, and when you imagine the amount of silicone in that house, it’s interesting that the other girls are comparing themselves to each other. Erin didn’t like the comment, so she told Brandi C that she had a “meth-scratched face”, and then performed a scathing imitation of Brandi’s voice. Okay, that wasn’t necessary, and Brandi C was later in tears while Kristia, her “Bambi Twin”, hugged her.

In another room, Heather is mentioning something about her dog, and Dallas announces that she eats animals and wears fur, and that if Heather’s dog was there, she’d slit its throat. Lacey hears about this, and is immediately provoked. Apparently, Lacey is a member of Peta, and hearing Dallas brag about wearing furs and eating meat has gotten her hot and bothered.

Now Lacey, haven’t you watched enough reality shows to know that Dallas is deliberately provoking you? And after pulling Jes in the pool, I’d say that you like dishing it out, but I’m not sure if you can take it. In my opinion, “The Bitchy Girls” are the smarter bunch, and therefore less likely to win Bret’s hand, so they get lots of enjoyment from picking on “The Slutty Girls” in the meantime.

Brandi C is still upset about Erin’s nasty comment, and with Kristia, she goes to Bret to tell him, as he’s the only one who could console her. In tears, Brandi tells Bret that she had been in a car accident last year and had 64 stitches on her face, and how could Erin make fun of her disability. Bret admitted later to being turned on by Brandi’s mousy voice. Bret made out with Brandi, and all was right again in the world for Brandi.

It’s time for the date, and Bret takes Lacey, Rodeo, and Erin to Jim Henson Studios to meet with Don Was, who is producing a track for Bret. Bret has each of the girls contribute. Lacey, being a musician herself, is happy, and in her element. She sings a chorus, so she and Bret bond over that.
Rodeo moans on the track, getting very aroused in the process (“I can actually have an orgasm if I needed to!”), and later makes out with Bret. Erin, who’s never been in a recording studio before, adds some more of her British accented naughty talk. Afterwards, Bret pulled Erin aside for some conversation, but admitted later that he found it difficult to keep his eyes from her breasts, which were “kinda clouding my thought process.”

After the gang of four returns from their date, Heather, also known as “Captain of the Varsity Squad” has been chmping at the bit, and cannot wait to spill the beans about Erin’s fiance. Heather pulls Bret aside, and tattles on Erin. Heather leaves, and Erin is called in to defend herself. Erin denies that a current fiance exists, and she’s pissed that people are trying to turn Bret against her. Heather is called back, and Erin again denies that she has a boyfriend back home. Heather says, “I only have Bret’s best interest at heart.” Oh, puh-leeze. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.

So it’s time for elimination, and Erin is on edge. As Tiffany didn’t do well in the phone sex challenge, Bret had told her that it might be strike three for her. When Bret hands out the VIP passes, he calls Rodeo’s name again first. Hmmmm. As far as the girls that didn’t make the cut, Tamra (“dumb as a box of rocks” says Bret) was eliminated, as well as Tawny. It’s no surprise that Tiffany was eliminated, but she actually slurred to the camera later, “I’m the one he could have taken home to Mom”. Hello? Reality check, anyone???

See you tomorrow for my Rock of Love “Monday Night Quarterback”!

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